1. Which pasta is more likely to fix an awards show?
Rigatoni.
2. So today on the street, a man asked me for a dollar. I told him that I only carry big bills. He said to give one of those, so I gave him my electric bill.
3. If she sends you an angry text, count those exclamation points. Each one tells you how pissed she is.
4. Does anyone talk to the hand anymore?
5. I was researching about Atheism. Turns out it's a non-prophet organization.
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