1. I had to tell my patient I'd dreadfully messed up his plastic surgery. I'll never forget the look on his elbow.
2. My wife was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn't even know she sold them.
3. My girlfriend and I are like fresh spaghetti. We have a strained relationship.
4. What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.
5. Drink water. It won't fix your life but at least you'll be hydrated while it falls apart.

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